Heal My Wounds--Chapter 1

The flight lieutenant nodded, having suffered a loss of his own, finding Shepard would have been a welcomed distraction. Even though that Shepard had told he and EDI not to get together, he still felt the impact of her loss.

John had never been a proper gentleman, hell he was never proper at all. He would kill someone without a second thought, but no matter what he did, he had a reason. Joker growled as he stood, finding that he had broken a rib. "Get Adams, we're going to need a status report on how long it will take to get her up and running," he said to Traynor, his voice biting back the familiar pain of broken bones. 

Kaidan shook his head not sure if he was angry or worried. He was frustrated, impatient, and sick to his stomach with the thought of John being dead. He caught sight of Engineer Adams and Tali running toward the CIC, where he was sitting. "How bad is it?" he asked and fell in line beside them.

"It's going to take at least a day or so to get her back into space with EDI offline. A bit longer for her to be running easy," Tali's words fumbled out and her hands were picking at one another. She looked at Kaidan through her mask, seeing the stress on his hard features. "We'll get back to Earth as fast as we can," she added with a false calm. There was no way that she could promise that Commander Shepard would be waiting there for him, but she could only hope. 

"Dammit," he breathed out as his eyes tightly closed, fighting off the hot tears at his eyes. "Thank you, Tali," he sighed and looked at the quarian, his eyes red. He couldn't deal with this. He had grit his teeth and kept his mouth shut through so much. Leaving John on the ground was the hardest thing that Kaidan had ever done. He had told him to be careful, but he knew John. He was reckless, destructive. There was never a guarantee that he was coming back, and now it just hit him harder than usual. Kaidan didn't give a glance back as he went to Shepard's cabin. He needed to be alone. He needed time to make sense of everything that had just happened. 

He stepped into the loft and looked around. It smelled like John. He looked to the mattress and memory flashed in his mind. It was the first time that he had truly given into pleasure, the heat of the moment racing through his veins, the pain melting into pleasure, sweat glistening both of their bodies, lust and love colliding in a rush. Yes, he had had sex before, but this wasn't just sex, this was love. This was something that no matter how much he tried not to think about and try to put a lid on it, it enveloped him, surrounding his every sense. He walked toward the bed and sat on the white sheets.

He exhaled a ragged breath and he felt a lump form in his throat. He tried swallowing it without success and his body become slightly unstable. "You are not gone," he whispered as tears edged his eyes. His hands rubbed his temples and his head pounded. He drew in a breath with the same jagged sound as the exhale and a tear ran down his cheek, scorching the skin as it moved. He fell back onto the bed and moved up, his head resting on a pillow. He wiped the tears from his eyes, smirking as he heard John's voice in his ear, teasing him for getting his perfectly white sheets dirty. He laid there for what seemed an eon before the door opened.

"Kaidan," it was the asari, Dr. Liara T'Soni, whose soft voice was captured in his ears. He sat up to see a metal plaque in her hands. He didn't have to ask to know what it was. That was Shepard's plaque. His eyes looked dead as they followed Liara's movements. She placed the plaque on Shepard's desk and walked to the bed. She sat beside him and without thinking about what he was doing, he wrapped his arms around her. She returned the favor and Kaidan buried his face in the crevice of her neck and shoulder. 

He had never much cared for Liara, being Benezia's daughter didn't help his feelings toward her when they had first met. She recovered Shepard's body and gave them to Cerberus, a known enemy of the Alliance, and part of him wouldn't forgive her for that. However, there was a time to set aside old grudges, and now seemed like that time. She ran a hand through his hair and calmed him down. 

They broke their embrace and Kaidan's chocolate eyes drifted pass her, resting on the plaque. He could see the 'ard' of Shepard and swallowed another lump that formed in his throat. 

"We don't have to put it up yet," Liara uttered, knowing full well what it was that he was looking at. In a way, she did not accept the idea of John being gone either. He was too stubborn to die. He would end everything on his terms and come out of it alive if that was what he wanted to do. 

"I think I need some fresh air," he said and stood from the bed. The room, the ship, the scent that was surrounding him; all of it was suffocating him. He couldn't breathe. They walked out of the room, Liara had the plaque in her grip, and they made their way to the bridge. Kaidan saw Joker opening the airlock and followed out behind him. Garrus and Liara followed behind the pilot and the major. 

Kaidan stood beside Joker, but they remained silent. The native lifeforms chattered and chirped in the distance. It was a beautiful planet, but still Kaidan could not shake the need to be on Earth. Joker turned around and walked back to the ship, as did the rest of the crew, Kaidan was the last to go in.

They gathered around the mural on the crew deck. Liara's heart was heavy as she handed Kaidan the plaque. The major's shaking hands grabbed it and he nodded to her. He turned around, plaque in hand and stared at the wall. His eyes moved over some of the names. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. She was a soldier, tough, her nerve couldn't be shaken for anything. Mordin Solus was another one. If there was anything that Shepard cared about, it was helping the Krogan. He didn't kill Wrex on Virmire and he spoke up about the plans of sabotaging the cure. Thane Krios, the terminally ill Drell who had tried to stop Kai Leng and paid with his life. Legion, a geth, of all things, sacrificed itself for his race to thrive, only to fall a few weeks later. EDI, an unshackled AI with a mind of her own. 

There was an empty space above Admiral David Anderson and Kaidan swallowed. His eyes rested on the plaque in his hands and he rubbed the name with his thumb. He looked back to the empty space and shook his head. "I can't," he muttered solemnly. Another tear streamed down his face and he clenched his jaw. "I have to know that Shepard's gone before I can even think about it," he tried his best to explain, his back to the crew. He knew that if he were to turn around he would lose what little of his bearings that he had left. "Let's just get back to Earth," he mumbled before walking to his quarters. 

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Days passed and the Normandy was finally able to get into space. They had gotten an update on the Mass Relays. All of them were destroyed, but repairable. The crew all turned to Kaidan, finding him the best fit for the next Commander should they go to find what they had already suspected. 

"Joker, are we ready for flight?" Kaidan's voice was rusty from staying silent a good part of the few days when the Normandy was down.

The flight lieutenant smirked and nodded, "She could get us through the Omega 4 Relay again." That brought another memory into focus for Kaidan. Instead of agreeing with the Illusive Man on saving the Collector Base, he destroyed it without a second thought. He had heard the stories on how he told the leader Cerberus off and it stirred something inside of him. A bit of adrenaline mixed with pride.  

They lifted from the ground and took off, the drive core kicked in and they zipped away from the planet, heading towards home. Kaidan grew more and more anxious every hour that they were in flight. They hadn't gone far from Earth, but it would still take longer than his liking. 

Kaidan stood in his room, his arm resting on the edge of the window, eyes unfocused but staring into the great void. The blue essence that Normandy had around itself was a welcomed presence. The Mass Effect generator and shields were up and running, the thrusters had more than enough fuel, and the ship was running soundly. Tali, Ken, Gabby, Cortez, and Adams had pulled through at an exceptionable speed.

 

"Major Alenko, there's a call coming through Vid-Comm. It's from Admiral Hackett," Traynor's voice came over the intercom. She sounded excited, and it sparked the same emotion within Kaidan. It also brought an unsettling amount of panic. He swallowed it as he went through the CIC, marched through the war room and into the Communications area. 

He shaped himself up, blocked out most of the panic and excitement and answered the call. The Admiral appeared before him and Kaidan saluted. 

"Major Alenko, we just received signs that the Normandy is in space after being MIA for almost four days," there was suspect in the Admiral's voice, but also relief. 

"It was a hell of a ride, Admiral," Kaidan informed the admiral on everything that happened, how EDI and the other synthetics aboard shut down. He also mentioned the incredible job that the quarian and the other crew members had done to get the Normandy up and running. He wouldn't let them go unnoticed. The Admiral responded appropriately, saying that they would be given medals when they reached Earth. Now it was time for Kaidan to ask the questions.

"Admiral, have you heard anything on Commander Shepard's whereabouts?" he asked, his voice cracking as he mentioned John's name. The desperation showed in his eyes and his facial features. His palms were sweating and his head was aching. 

There was a pause before the Admiral responded, "We raised him three days ago," a smile appeared on Kaidan's lips as Hackett spoke. "They said he was in critical condition and his cybernetics had malfunctioned enough to cause concern," the smiled faded but Kaidan held hope in his heart.

"Where is he being held, Admiral?" 

"Charing Cross Hospital here in London. It seems to be the only one that's still functional and mostly unaffected by the Reapers," the admiral spoke with a calm voice, "He's woken up once already when they were replacing his cybernetic implants. He's tough, I'll give him that. Fly safely, Major. See you when you reach Earth."

"Yes sir," Kaidan responded before the call ended. John had woken up during surgery. He really was stubborn. Kaidan laughed, focusing on the good news instead of the bad. There was still a chance that the Commander could die, but if he had survived whatever happened on the Citadel, he would pull through. Shepard would never go down like that, he would find it insulting to his vanity. 

Kaidan walked out of the Communications room to see the crew gathered around the console in the War Room. Liara stepped toward Kaidan, her blue pools lapped with curiosity. He looked at the other members as well, all burning with the same curiosity, one question on their minds. His chocolate eyes closed for a moment and a smile spread across his face. The crew cheered and Joker came over the intercom. 

"I'm assuming that Shepard made it through yet another suicide mission," there was a smile in his grainy voice.

"I don't know how he does it," Kaidan answered and the crew dispersed, returning to their stations. Kaidan sat beside Joker in what became EDI's seat. It was originally his, so he found sitting here appropriate. They kicked the Normandy into Warp Drive in appeared in the Sol system within four hours. 

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